You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
