she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
