when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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