I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
