Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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