Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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