No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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