Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
