The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
