omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
