Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
