So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
