Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize