Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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