thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
