OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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