..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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