Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize