"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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