mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
