Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
