My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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