I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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