I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
