are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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