I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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