He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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