Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
