Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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