I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
