Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
