it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
