Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The cops high fived after they tackled you
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
