Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
