He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
