my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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