I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
