i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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