I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
