using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
