I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
