Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
