I have demons in me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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