mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We had to coat check the pizza.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
