you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
