i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
