i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
