apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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