Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
