I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I need to sanitize my soul.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
