So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
