you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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