Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
