Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize