I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
