I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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