And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
