Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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