And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
