I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
