Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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