meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
