I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Come on in and take your pants off
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