I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
