You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
