You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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