bring money and cleavage
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
