I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
