I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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