i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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