I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
