Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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