Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
