I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
