we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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