theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
