she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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