i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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