Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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