she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
