so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Can I color on your dick again?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
