I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
