Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
