Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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