WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
