Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
