I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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